ThirtySomething
by panem
Summary: Pre-Epilogue. This is Katniss and Peeta in their early thirties, just finding out they're pregnant and getting a crash course in parenting. Rated M for adult language and content.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The house has never been so quiet. I can't hear the clock ticking, no sounds emanating from the open window, not even a drip from the bathroom faucet that Peeta hasn't had a chance to fix yet. The only sound I can even make out right now is the blood pulsating through my body and I can feel the exaggerated flutter of my heart. My stomach is turning and I don't know if its from the realization of what is happening or the actual side effects of what was just confirmed.

I glance back down at the stick in my hand and back at the little pamphlet that came in its box. The two blue lines confirmed what I thought. What I knew I felt. I don't completely trust this new test that has come from the apothecary in town, but she assured me that the citizens of the Capitol have been using them for years, and that she could keep a secret.

I hadn't told him that I stopped taking my pills almost six months ago. At first I did it as a surprise, but month after month of it not happening, I started to fear that my body was too damaged, that I'd waited too long, that I'd denied him something that he was born to do. Peeta was always meant to be a father and if I had taken it away from him, I could never forgive myself. But, I look back down at my hand, and I feel a hot tear form at the corner of my eye. I don't know if it's more for happiness, for relief, or if it is an expression of sheer terror.

The past 14 years since the war have been relatively good to us. My nightmares have reduced greatly. I'm barely woken up by them more than a night or two a week. Peeta has made the biggest improvement. His flashbacks have all but subsided. He only had five attacks all of last year, and so far this year, only two. The only drawback is when he does have them, they are more intense than when he had them regularly. He's often tired and sick to his stomach for a day or two afterwards. He's hurt himself a couple of times at the bakery because of it, but he swears he would rather have it this way than to constantly be troubled by them.

Peeta still has the sweet, soft features he always has. His eyes have somehow become an even more brilliant blue over the years and he has the faintest whispers of laugh lines at their corners. He cuts his hair a little shorter now, but keeps the soft waves over his forehead. His most striking change has been the beard he decided to grow a couple of years ago. At first I wasn't sure about it, but now I think it suits him. He keeps it trimmed and it just adds to the fact that he's become so devastatingly handsome as the years progress.

Neither of us are the thin children of our past. Both thanks to not having to miss any more meals and just filling out as we get older. He's maintained his strong, muscular arms and that sexy "V" at his hips. The hard angular lines of my body have softened. I'm rounder in the areas that matter to a woman, having become slightly fuller in my chest and hips.

I wish I could say the years have been as kind to me as him. But, I know that I'm harsher on myself, only seeing my flaws and none of the improvement. I think I always look tired, even when I'm well rested. I can only see the aftermath of the war on my face and the beginning of lines around my mouth from the constant scowl that was often seen as my trademark. I don't wear my hair in a braid anymore. I've cut it a little shorter, tired of the maintenance and generally wear it back in a low bun at the nape of my neck. I have glasses I am supposed to wear now, but I really only put them on in the woods when no one is looking or sometimes when Peeta gives me a look when I'm squinting to see something on the television.

My thoughts immediately turn back to the situation at hand. I look up at the clock and it's a little after six in the evening. Peeta should be home any minute. But, I just don't know if I want to tell him tonight. Tomorrow is our anniversary, we've been married for twelve years. I couldn't think of anything to get him but I'm pretty sure this makes up for it.

He walks through the door a few minutes later. I quickly shove the test under the sink and straighten up the counter.

"Hey! I'm upstairs, I'll be down in just a second." I wash my hands and race down the stairs. I'm terrible at keeping secrets and he can read me like an open book. I try my best to not look flustered, but i feel like he sees it in my face immediately.

"Hi, beautiful." He wraps his arm around my waist and presses a soft kiss against my neck. He smells like faded cologne, warm bread, and raw flour. It's intoxicating. He whispers, "I have something for you."

"Oh lord, I hope it's not cheese buns. I've put on twenty pounds because of those things."

He gets a wry smile on his face and shifts his eyes down. "Only in your ass." he gives me a quick slap on the behind and says, "I love it."

I pretend to act appalled, but secretly cheer to myself when he presents a small brown bag with four warm cheese buns.

"What's for dinner? Did you catch anything today?"

I was honestly too preoccupied with getting the test today to go into the woods. But, I just fumble a reply. "I didn't really have any luck today. But I did see Greasy Sae in town and she happened to have some extra stew that she was making for her and her granddaughter."

With his eyebrows furrowed, he looks at me for a minute. "Were you wearing your glasses today?"

I shrug absent mindedly, "I accidentally left them at the house."

He sighs, smiles, and gives me a quick kiss on the lips. "You know, you look nice in them."

"I'll remember next time, I promise."

"Good, will you heat up dinner while I take a shower?"

I nod, pull it out of the fridge and light the stove while he heads up stairs. While I'm stirring the food, I get a chill down my back. Shit. What if he sees the test? I place the lid on the pot and run up the stairs. I hear the shower running and see the light on in the bathroom. I wait to hear the distinct water splashes of him washing himself and crack the door open. The heavy steam pours out of the room as I open the door wider. I crouch down to the cabinet under the sink and hear the shower curtain slide open.

"What are you doing?"

Dammit. "I'm just getting your clothes. I'm doing a load of laundry and wanted to grab what you wore today."

"Okay. Thanks!"

He slides the curtain back and I grab the test, box, and all of his clothes off the floor. I head back downstairs. I know there is no way I can hide this from him for too long. I'm nervous and fidgety. I shove everything in the laundry room and close the door. I get frustrated and think about all my time being stealthy in the woods and the arenas. How is this so difficult?

A few minutes later he comes down in a white t-shirt and pajama pants and towel drying his still damp hair. He walks into the kitchen, "Smells good." He throws the towel over his shoulder takes my face in his hands and plants a kiss on my lips. Even after all these years, I still get light headed after he kisses me like that. My body feels warm, I can feel it in my fingers and toes. I don't know how he does it, but there is always an electricity in every kiss from him.

I regain my composure, slide the towel off of him, and walk it down to the laundry room. "Go ahead and sit down, I'll bring you your food."

We sit through dinner without much conversation. He had a slow day at the bakery and I have so much to keep inside.

Finally, as I start to clear away the table, he looks at me with a little light in his eyes. "So, I'm sure you remember what tomorrow is."

I smile and reply, "Hmm... tomorrow? Nope, doesn't ring any bells."

He takes the bowls out of my hands and pulls me onto his lap. "You're a terrible liar, Mrs. Mellark. But, just in case, I want to remind you, tomorrow is the anniversary of the happiest day of my life."

I give him a smile and reposition myself on his lap to where I am straddling him. "It hadn't even crossed my mind. I'm far too busy to keep up with dates and anniversaries." I wrap my arms around his neck and begin to kiss him. I gently slide my tongue across his lips and he quickly responds by opening his mouth and tangling his tongue with mine. His hands find their way to my back and eventually his fingers make their way under my shirt. I can feel them trace random swirls around my back and stomach and slowly work up to my breasts. I break away from the kiss, panting.

"What about the dishes?"

He shakes his head as to bring him back to reality. "Yeah, those can wait. I'd rather go up to the bedroom."

I playfully tap his chest and slide off of his legs. "C'mon, it'll just take a second. Let's at least get them off the table."

He reluctantly gets up from the table, shifts himself in his pants, and grabs the drink glasses and takes the plates from my hands. He shoves them in the sink and practically pulls me upstairs to the bedroom.

I giggle and feel giddy from the rush of endorphins. We barely make it to the doorway before he starts kissing me again. I eagerly pull my shirt off and throw it across the room to the chair by the window. He quickly follows suit and takes his off and tosses it in the same direction. He pulls me back against his chest and his kisses become deeper and more desperate.

That's when I feel it. The burning in my stomach, the dizziness in my head. I pull away from him, almost violently, and run to the bathroom. I'm flushed and embarrassed as I'm sure he can hear the retching. He appears at the door, chest heaving, fear in his eyes.

"Are you okay?!"

I nod, with my head in the toilet bowl. "I think it was something I ate."

He takes a second, looks at me and states, "I ate the same thing as you."

I back away from the toilet, sit on my heals for a second while I pull a towel from the towel rack and wipe my face. "It's okay, I'm just not feeling well."

He takes the towel from me, holds it under the running faucet and proceeds to wipe my face and neck off. "Seriously, Katniss, what's wrong?"

I go to answer him, but suddenly taste the horrid after effects of vomiting. I smack my lips and tongue and stand up and go straight to brushing my teeth. I know I'm buying time before I tell him, but I know I can't keep it from him any longer. I've known for three hours. It's the longest I've kept anything from him in years.

Finally, I spit out the last of the mouthwash I've been sloshing around, rinse my mouth out with water and wipe my mouth. I slowly turn to face him and take a long, slow, deep breath.

"Peeta, I'm pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The house is completely silent again. But this time, it's the sound of Peeta's awkward steps that I can hear and focus on first.

His eyes have become large with astonishment and I can tell he's starting to lose his footing by the way he is teetering on his prosthetic leg. I go to walk towards him, but he's already started his wobbly backwards steps towards the bathtub. He finally gets close enough to where he can sit down on the edge and take in the words I just said to him.

After he sits down, the room becomes eerily quiet again. My anxiety is starting to get the better of me and I start to panic and worry this was a terrible mistake. I'm wringing my hands and I can feel the tears start to pool and eventually the first one makes it down my cheek. My face is still hot and flushed from being sick and now it feels like all of the oxygen has been sucked out of the room and I'm having difficulty breathing.

By this point, my tears are falling easily, and the first noise I make is a disgusting combination of trying to suck up my dripping nose and my throat catching as I try to get more air. I'm doing everything I can not to hyperventilate when he finally snaps out of his stupor.

He looks up at me clumsily standing there, in nothing but a bra and pants, with a runny nose and face contorted in fear. His eyes light up and his mouth becomes the largest grin that he could possibly make. I'm pretty sure he has somehow found a way to show off every tooth he has while smiling. As soon as I realize he's happy, he's already made his way across the bathroom and has scooped me up in his arms.

I try to assess the situation, but all I can feel is him covering my messy face and neck with frantic kisses and laughing like a mad man.

Still nauseous, I beg him to stop twirling me. I pat his shoulders and kick my legs. Eventually, it is enough to stop him and set me down. He leans down to where we are now eye level and he gently chuckles at the sight of me in this disheveled state.

I wipe my face off with my arm first and then continue to clean myself off with the palms of my hands. "I couldn't tell what you were thinking. I thought you were upset or scared, and it freaked me out."

His smile is infectious and I can't help but return it and start laughing at the ridiculousness of this situation and a final release of nerves.

"You thought I'd be upset?" He asks me earnestly. "I've never been happier than I am right now. I am completely surprised and elated with this news. You know I've wanted children for years, we've had this conversation countless times."

I'm finally starting to calm down and let out a sigh of relief. "I know. I just wasn't prepared for you to be quiet for so long. You looked panicked."

His face turns serious, "Oh, I'm scared shitless, but I couldn't be happier." And then he thinks for a moment. "Aren't you on pills? Is this a mistake to you?"

"I am. I mean I was on birth control pills. I took myself off of them almost six months ago. And no, this is in no way a mistake to me. It has been planned out for a while."

"I wouldn't have minded being in on the plan, you know."

"I know. I wanted it to be a surprise, but then I started worrying that I couldn't even get pregnant and became terrified to tell you."

He nods, takes my hand, and walks me out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. He sits on the bed and pulls me down into his lap. Instinctively, I put my arms around his neck and feel his body envelope me. We sit there like this for several minutes, until he slides one of his hands away from my back and unbuttons my pants. He moves his hand down below my belly button and rests it on my lower abdomen. The warmth of his hand and embrace are extremely cathartic. I almost feel myself drifting off to sleep in his arms until I feel a single teardrop on my arm. I pull his face towards mine and press my lips against him. I can taste the saltiness on his cheek as I kiss the trail the tear made.

He straightens up his back and clears his throat. "Sorry."

I shake my head, "There is nothing to be sorry about. I'm so happy to help give this to you."

"How long have you known? How did you find out?"

"I took a test. I just found out this afternoon. I wanted to wait and tell you tomorrow, but," I motion at my stomach where his hand rests, "someone decided that you needed to find out today." I smile, "Either that or it doesn't care for Sae's stew."

He chuckles lays back in the bed, bringing me with him. I'm now laying on top of him, and he still hasn't moved his hand.

"We need to get you to a doctor. I can call tomorrow and get them to come to the house, if you want."

"That'd be good. Can you take off from the bakery and be here with me when he comes?"

He nods his head and he says in a distant voice, "Of, course." I can see that he's become lost in thought. He stares at the ceiling fan and gently rubs his hand right over my panty line.

"What are you thinking about?"

He looks down at me, just realizing he's been out of it. "Oh, nothing. I just can't believe it's finally happening. What made you change your mind?"

I knew this question would come up. It feels like there are a million reasons why he should be a father, but I know that's not what he wants to know. I've always been adamant about not having children. The past few years he has been slowly wearing me down on the subject, but I still couldn't get over my fear and guilt. I have seen children that were too young for the reaping when Peeta was chosen and I volunteered, grow up to now be adults. They were able to have childhoods, finish school, and even a few of them have already started their own families. I genuinely believe they are safe.

I've seen the pained look on Peeta's face when he sees a little girl with blonde curls or a baby boy with Seam eyes. How good he is with the children that come into the bakery. How he's been a father figure to Annie and Finnick's son Finn. Letting Finn come to him whenever he needed someone, taking care of him when Annie's sanity was faltering. He is compassionate and wonderful, and even that wasn't what made me decide that now was the time.

I'm shocked at the cracking of my own voice, revealing the truth that I can barely admit to myself, "I've forgiven myself for Prim's death and the death of all the others from the games and war. I didn't feel worthy of bringing new life into this world when I had taken away so much. I do now. I feel like it would be extremely selfish for me to deny life because of death any longer."

Peeta wraps his arms around me and squeezes tightly. This time he doesn't apologize for the for the tears coming from his eyes. He whispers, "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that. It's weighed on my mind for almost fifteen years. Every restless night you've had, every time I saw you cry because of the pain, it's all been to get to this." He pulls my face to his and kisses me softly. "Thank you. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for forgiving yourself. This is exactly what needed to happen before we jumped into this."

We hold each other there for a little while longer, but he and I are both emotionally and physically exhausted. I pull off my pants and slide into bed with him, get under the covers, and fall into a dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

****

Chapter 3

I sigh contently as I roll over to the spot on the bed where Peeta sleeps. My arm falls directly onto the bed instead of comfortably onto his chest. My eyes flutter open only to see the bright sunlight pouring through the window and an empty bed. I hear heavy steps on the stairs and glasses and plates clanking.

Peeta comes into the bedroom with a tray full of food and a beaming smile. "Good morning! Are you hungry?" As if on cue, my stomach lets out a loud groan and I look up at him with wide, pleading eyes. "I'm starving. I have nothing left from last night and I was too nervous to eat much of anything yesterday."

Before handing me the tray, he lifts off my covers and sucks his cheek against his teeth making a clicking noise. He shakes his head, while saying "Damn, I was hoping you'd be naked." I glare at him while sitting up and he sets the tray on my lap. "It's not like you've never seen it before."

"That doesn't mean I don't want to see it again." He tells me while he steps into the bathroom.

I take inventory of the items on the tray. Toast, fruit, oatmeal, bacon, hot chocolate, a flower, a small box, and no coffee. Over the years I have grown to really love coffee. Every morning I smile and think of Finnick as I drop three sugar cubes in my cup. It's one of my favorite memories of him, but for some reason this morning I don't get to enjoy it. Slightly confused, I yell to Peeta while he's still in the bathroom, "Peeta, is there any coffee?"

I hear the water run while he washes his hands and he steps out. "I read that pregnant women can't have it. And, you're welcome for breakfast, by the way."

I give him a quick kiss on the lips after he slides back into bed next to me. "Thank you for breakfast, it was really sweet, but why can't I have coffee?" He grabs a piece of bacon and stuffs it in his mouth before answering. "Something about caffeine, it's not good for the baby."

I make an over exaggerated frown with my mouth and quietly contemplate the pros and cons of having a child to the desire for morning coffee. I snap out of my pity party when I remember there is a box on the tray. I point to it while dipping my toast in my hot chocolate. "What's this?"

"Well, it was my attempt at being the hero on our anniversary, but I'd say it's pretty safe to say you won this year." He takes the box off the tray and tells me, "Close your eyes."

I shut my eyes and feel him slide something over my throat and his hands fumbling at the back of my neck. "Okay, you can open them now."

I look down at my chest and see a single pearl hanging from a thin gold chain. It's simple, delicate, and absolutely stunning. My eyes start to well up as I think about the last time he gave me a pearl. We were only seventeen and sitting on the beach during the games. We thought it was going to be our last day together, our last day alive, and he found it in an oyster. That pearl helped me so many nights while I was stuck in the bunker of District 13 wondering if he would ever come back to me. I would roll it over my lips, remembering his kisses, letting the cool smooth sphere calm my broken heart. I grasp this pearl in my hand and squeeze my eyes shut, swearing to myself I will never let this one get away from me like I did the first.

Peeta must see the effect his gift is having on me and puts his arm around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder. "The other day I remembered the first time I gave you one. I hadn't thought about it in a long time, but I overheard you say something to your mother about the beach and it just came to me."

I whisper, "It's beautiful. Thank you."

I feel him move his head and move his arm from around my waist. "C'mon, it's a happy day and I have more good news."

I wipe my face and look over at him. I can't believe how much I have cried in the past twelve hours. I clear my throat and take a bite of toast. While chewing my food, I ask him, "Yeah, what's that?"

"I called the doctor this morning, he's able to see you today. Only, there is a caveat; we have to go to the hospital to see him. Apparently, they don't do house calls anymore since the hospital is fully functioning now and they have real doctors, exam rooms, and offices. I don't think either one of us is really looking forward to going there, but I'm going to suck it up to confirm that I for sure put a bun in that oven."

I look at him and shake my head. "You make the worst jokes. I hope our child doesn't get your sense of humor."

He gives me a goofy grin. "We need to hurry up, the appointment is at 10:30."

I look over at the clock and see it's almost a quarter to ten. I finish eating and then get up to take a shower and Peeta clears away the tray and dishes. After I'm done we both get dressed and head out into town.

On our way out of Victor's Village, we pass in front of Haymitch's house. We see the single sad little goat in his front yard. He gave up on keeping geese a while back, determined if he was going to have something, it might as well be useful. I suggested a goat and bought one for him. It was in much better shape than the one I gave to Prim, but somehow it acquired Haymitch's nasty attitude. It bites and chews anything that gets near it's filthy mouth. Haymitch has been sobering up lately. He had a health scare a few months ago, and he's been weaning himself off white liquor ever since. Now, he's awake and out of his house more often, but no more pleasant to be around. I hope he doesn't see us, I'm not ready to let him know what's going on in our private life.

It takes us about twenty minutes on foot to get to the hospital. I start to think how awful this trip will be once I'm several months pregnant and miserable. But, it's a pleasant walk with Peeta. He tells me all about his ideas for the bakery and how he thinks he might hire another person. It's early on Wednesday morning, and most people are working at the medicine factory or in their shops. It's actually very relaxing just walking around like we are the only people in town.

When we finally make it to the hospital we check in at the front desk. So far, everything seems to be okay. It's not like the hospital in the Capitol or 13. It smells more like new paint and carpet than a clinic. We take a seat and wait for our names to be called. It feels like we are in another place and time, we've never done anything like this before. Peeta is nervously shaking his leg and I'm holding on to his hand tightly.

A short round woman in a white shift dress steps out from behind a door. "Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, please follow me." We stand up and walk behind her through a door down a hallway that seems much more like what we were used to from before. It's all white tile, machines beeping in the background, the sharp stinging smell of antiseptic cleaners, and bright white lights. I can feel my stomach start to cramp from the familiarity of it and I look up at Peeta. I can see the beads of sweat forming on his forehead and his eyes become glassy. I feel the muscles in his hand start to tense and shake. I try not to panic but I know already what is happening.

I try to keep my voice low, "Miss." She hasn't heard me. I raise my voice to try and get her attention, "Ma'am! We need help." The nurse turns around to see what I'm talking about and she sees the color fade from Peeta's face and his demeanor completely change. "Miss, we need to get him into a chair or bed, whatever is quicker." The woman nods and escorts us to an empty room. I help Peeta sit in a chair and I kneel in front of him as I can see the attack take control of him. I rest my hand on his knee and speak slowly and calmly to him. "Peeta, can you hear me?" It takes a few agonizing seconds but eventually he nods his head. "Good. That means this one isn't as bad."

The nurse watches us quietly, but eventually asks me, "Is there anything I can get for him?" I shake my head, "No, he just needs to ride it out. He's going to be very tired afterwards. Would you mind getting someone to help him into a bed when he's calmed down?" She nods her head and quickly goes to find someone. I focus my attention back to Peeta.

"Since I know you can hear me, I want to remind you that we are here to find out about our baby. No one here is going to hurt us. I'm not a mutt, they are not going to take me away. Today is our twelfth anniversary. I love you so much and we are so happy to be here today."

I watch him grip the arms of the chair. His knuckles turning white and he is gnashing his teeth as hard as he can. No matter how many times I see him do this, it never gets any easier. He always looks like he is in so much pain and the only solace is he knows that it will pass. Eventually, he slumps down in his chair as the tracker venom finally releases him. I see a trash can in the corner and ready it for the eventual vomiting. He's shaking and I wipe his forehead off with the sleeve of my shirt.

The nurse comes back with an orderly and they help him to the bed in the room. I take Peeta's hand while he starts to come back to us. His eyes lose their foggy appearance and eventually just make him look like he's in pain. He quickly sits up and finds the bucket I set between his legs. I rub his back while he releases all of his breakfast and he eventually lays back down and places his arm over his eyes. I give the trashcan to the orderly and he leaves the room with it.

****I look over at the nurse, "Please apologize to the doctor for us, we are going to need to reschedule, and we would prefer it to be at our home."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This is the chapter that earns its M rating. I'm not 100% sure of it... like if it really follows the story line. But, just let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! **

Chapter 4

Peeta rests in the hospital bed for most of the afternoon. I never leave his side. Thankfully, this attack wasn't as bad as it could have been. It lasted less than a few minutes and he could hear me the entire time. If it were really bad, he wouldn't have been able to respond. The worst one I remember him having lasted almost twenty minutes. He was in bed for three days, couldn't keep any food down, and had terrible headaches. I'm hoping with this one, he'll be feeling better by tomorrow.

It's a little after four in the afternoon when he finally starts to wake up. He starts to blink his eyes and a look of confusion sweeps across his face. He keeps his voice low, not being completely sure we aren't in danger, "Where are we?"

I smile at him, take his hand in mine and stroke the back of it with my thumb. "We're at the hospital. You had an attack while we were on our way to the doctor's office. Everything is fine, we're both safe."

He pulls himself up in the bed and then pinches the bridge of his nose while clenching his eyes shut. I rub his shoulders and feel just how tense he is. "Do you want me to get someone? They can give you something for your headache. They offered morphling for you earlier."

He shakes his head, "I just want to go home."

Peeta wasn't up for the walk through town. One of the nurses volunteered to drive us home from the hospital. I didn't really think much of it, but when we were back at our house, she thanked us for the privilege of letting her drive Peeta and I home. She said that it was an honor to meet us. Sometimes I forget that people who aren't from here still view us in that light. We try to forget, stay out of the public eye, but there just seems to be these random times when someone new will recognize us. I would have been more polite had it been any other day, but this time I just nodded and tried to hand her a little money for her trouble. She graciously denied, and drove off towards the new part of the District where they have recently built more homes.

We walk inside and Peeta tries to make his way to the couch but I convince him to head upstairs to the bedroom. He's slow getting up the stairs but I assist him as much as I can. I help him into more comfortable clothes to sleep in, as well as changing myself. He lays down in bed and pulls me down with him. I lay next to him with my head on his chest. He strokes my hair and sighs deeply. "I'm so sorry about today. This is not how I planned for things to go...at all."

"Well, we can always try again tomorrow, I'm sure that you'll be feeling better by then." I rub his chest while I think about what's happened today and the slow, repetitive movement starts to lull us both to sleep.

I feel like I wake up as soon as I closed my eyes, but it's several hours later. Peeta is still fast asleep. I gently lift his arm from over my waist and lay it on his chest. He rolls over from the movement and starts to gently snore. I kiss him on the forehead and quietly slink out of the bed.

It's already late, but I'm starving and need to get something to eat. I decide to make some toast and tea since I'm feeling a little nauseous and I'm not quite sure what Peeta's stomach can handle. I chuckle to myself thinking what a pitiful pair we are until I hear heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. I set the kettle on the stove and turn on the flame. As I go to grab the bread, I feel his arms around my waist and his lips pressed against my neck. I bring my hand up to his head and let my fingers loose themselves in his soft blonde hair. I let out a deep sigh as his hands explore my body over my nightgown. I can barely make out the words, "How do you feel?"

In between the soft sucking and biting at my neck, he replies, "I feel better, but I missed you in there. I don't want this day to get away from us before we celebrate."

I turn off the stove and rotate my body to face him. He takes my head in his hand and kisses me deeply and our tongues fight each other at a frantic pace. With his free hand, he grabs my ass, kneading it hard, and sending shock waves to my most sensitive areas. I moan in his mouth each time he uses his strong hands on my body. My hands rub up and down his arms, feeling each time his muscles flex and relax while manipulating my flesh. I pull away from him, out of breath with my head swimming, barely able to make a coherent thought. "We need to go upstairs, now."

He lets me go and motions for me to lead the way. I slowly walk up the stairs, making sure he is watching me take each step. Halfway to the second story, I remove my nightgown and drop it in front of him, making sure it falls at his feet. I make my way to the bedroom, wearing nothing but my panties when I feel him come up from behind. He presses his body against me. I feel him growing hard against my ass; his body can't hide the fact that he wants me.

He turns me around, grabs me by the waist and pulls me onto the bed with him. He drops me onto the mattress and pushes my legs apart to place himself between them. He leans over me and kisses me again. His hands are precise with each movement, knowing each part of my body, knowing exactly what will make me come. He's had years of practice but has never lost his passion. His hands grab at my breasts while he hungrily attacks my neck. My head falls against the pillow as I writhe beneath him. I reach for his shirt and quickly pull it off of him, only giving myself a moment of respite before he goes back to kissing my body.

Some people may think that being with the same person for years would grow tiresome or repetitive. I'm not one of those people. This man has made love to me countless times, but I still crave his touch. There may even be better lovers than him, but I don't think I could handle them if they were. He sends my heart racing with the touch of his lips against my skin. His hands are deft and his strong arms bring power to his every move.

He curls his fingers around the band of my panties, slowly, teasingly, pulling them down my legs. He hovers his mouth just above my waiting lower lips, breathing heavy. He looks up at me with his clear blue eyes, waiting to hear me beg for him. My body involuntarily moves towards him, with my need growing more. I whisper, "Please."

This was all he needed. He immediately attacks my wetness. He doesn't waste time teasing me, he knows exactly where to go. He takes my clit in his mouth and gently sucks. It's dizzying. I buck my hips and mimic his movements against me. He inserts two fingers inside of me, bending them to hit my g-spot. I feel him press on me from inside and his lips pressing the same spot from the outside. I dig my heels into the bed, and I am unable to stop myself from touching my own breasts. I try my best to hold on to every second of this ecstasy. I make rapid whimpering noises feeling myself get closer and closer. The only words I can get out are, "fuck me."

He is very capable of being gentle and taking his time while making love to me. In the beginning he was cautious, not only because of my mental fragility, but his own fear of not being in control of himself and possibly hurting me. But, as time progressed we both found our strengths and just how in control we were. Through that, we found that rougher was better. It made us feel alive to get out some of our frustrations and anger in the most constructive of ways.

He flips me over onto my stomach. Once I realize what has happened, I eagerly get on my elbows and knees in front of him. In no time, he has pulled off his pants and is on his knees behind me. He grabs me at my hips and forcefully thrusts himself inside of me. We both make loud groans as he makes his entrance. He digs his fingertips into my ass and my hand finds its way to my clit. I make hard circular motions, quickly getting myself back to where I was just moments ago. This time I don't stop. My body starts to tense, I feel my muscles tightening around his manhood. I can't hold back any longer and get off at his next hard push. I scream out, letting him know I'm finished, but I know he feels my body shuddering from release. His pace speeds up and just seconds later I hear him make a loud groan and feel him climax inside of me.

We both collapse on the bed, breathing hard. My body has completely relaxed and waves of satisfaction course through me. He lays his head on my chest and pulls my body close to him. I hear him tell me that he loves me while I drift back to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It's is a clear autumn day. The leaves are starting to turn to rust and the air is crisp and cool against my skin. I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with the scents that make this feel like home to me. I quickly turn to the sound of squirrels chirping and fighting over nuts in the trees. I ready my bow and have my sight on the larger squirrel's eye. I shoot, but I miss. I never miss. I don't understand what happened. I test the direction of the wind, and feel its not really blowing. The forest is still and the only thing I can hear are the mockingjays singing sweetly.

But they are not singing just any song, they are singing Rue's song. Was I humming it and not realizing it? I whistle a few notes and the birds pick it up immediately. At first there were just a few singing, now there is an orchestra of birds. It sounds like there could be hundreds. I look up at the trees and see swarms of them in the branches. My stomach starts to turn, this isn't right. They don't flock like this.

As soon as I realize it, they start diving towards me, swirling all around. All I can hear are the sounds of hundreds of wings flapping and them still singing Rue's song. I cover my face with my arms and crouch down. Suddenly, just as quickly as they appear, they disappear. I take my arms away from my head and see them standing there, both small and beautiful, and holding hands. Rue and Prim are staring at me. My heart stops and I'm frozen in confusion.

They both smile and start to run to me with arms open. I kneel down and open my arms and wait for their embrace. They collide into me, giggling. I wrap them both in my arms and I can't control the tears falling from my eyes. This is the happiest I have ever been in my life. I feel the warmth of their love envelope me. Rue is the first to break the embrace. She looks at me with her large brown eyes, smiling from ear to ear. "Katniss, you know this is a dream."

I nod, "I know it is, I don't want it to be, but I know it is."

Prim pulls away and looks at me with her blue eyes. I touch one of her soft blonde braids. "You know you're going to have to wake up."

I exhale slowly, "I know. I don't want to, I want to stay here with you. Please."

Rue shakes her head. "You have to go, but you have to leave her here with us."

I look at both of them, I'm so confused. "Who am I leaving. Prim, what is she talking about?"

Prim points to my stomach. "You aren't supposed to have her. You've caused too many deaths. You don't get to have this. You don't get to have him and her. We should have grown up. You took that away from us."

Rue frowns and shakes her head, "You should have protected us."

The look on Prim's face turns from warm to icy cold, a look I cannot ever remember seeing on her face before. "You can't care for her, you are not good enough to carry his child."

Suddenly, I feel both of them grab at my stomach. I feel the warmth of blood draining from me and I see the flesh being torn away. I scream, "Don't take her! Don't take her from me! I promise I can care for her! I will make it up to you both by being there for her! I need her! Please!"

I feel his hands on my shoulders shaking me. "Katniss, wake up! Wake up! It's just a dream, wake up!"

I shoot straight up in the bed. The light is blinding as my eyes try to adjust. My throat is sore from yelling and I can't help the weeping that follows being woken up from this nightmare.

"Peeta, they took her. They took her away from us." I'm crying hysterically. "They ripped her from my stomach, they said I couldn't have her. They said that I couldn't care for her, that I couldn't protect her like I couldn't protect them."

He grabs me and starts gently rocking me. "Who took her, who said this to you?"

I bury my face in his chest, "Prim and Rue. They said that I don't deserve her, that I've cost too many people their lives. They said I'm not good enough."

Peeta shushes me. "It's okay. It was a dream. They can't hurt you and you did everything you could to protect them. Just like you will this child. You would do anything to save this child. I know you would."

"It wasn't enough. They are gone and here I am. I couldn't save them. I should have never thought I could do this. They are right, I don't deserve to carry your child."

He pushes me away from him, gripping my shoulders tightly, and looking me square in the eyes. "I know these are your fears and I know just how real these dreams can feel. But, I'm going to tell you this right now and I'm only going to tell you once: I don't want to ever hear you say that you aren't good enough to carry my child, again. You are the only person who I could even begin to imagine having my child. Do you know why?"

I shake my head, I can't possibly understand how I could be worthy of this.

"It's because of the fact that you would do anything for our baby. You have never given yourself the credit you deserve for how brave and selfless you are. You were willing to give your life for your younger sister, can you even imagine what you would go through for your own child? Our child? I can't imagine a child being safer with anyone else. I trust you."

I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. He's done it again. He's worked his way into me and quelled my fears. He rubs my back to comfort me and my body begins to relax. Just as I start to pull away, my stomach lets out a loud growl. I blush, "I was going to have some tea and toast last night, but I never got around to making it."

Peeta smiles and brushes the hair off of my face, "I guess I did occupy your time last night. C'mon, let's get up and make something. I'm pretty hungry, too."

We get up and take care of our normal morning rituals and then head downstairs to the kitchen. Peeta decides to make some cinnamon rolls and get some tea on the stove, since apparently I am no longer allowed to have coffee. I'm still a little bitter about this.

The phone rings, and seeing Peeta elbow deep in flour and dough, I tell him I'll get it. I walk into the office to answer it. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Mellark? This is Mini from Dr. Pine's office."

I didn't learn the name of the nurse from yesterday, but I'm assuming it's her. "Yes, good morning. How may I help you?"

Her voice is soft and pleasant, "Well, Dr, Pine wanted me to ask if you had time to see him this morning. His 10 o'clock appointment cancelled and he said that he could bring his equipment to your house if you would like to for him to come by. He feels terrible about putting Mr. Mellark through that yesterday, and would like to make it up to you as soon as possible. He knows most first time parents are very eager to find out about their little ones."

"I really appreciate that, it would be wonderful if he could come by today. Peeta will be so happy to hear this. We will see the doctor at 10 o'clock."

I thank her and hang the phone up. I walk back into the kitchen to see Peeta put the rolls in the oven. He had a few professional grade ovens installed into our kitchen years ago. I think they're ugly, but I'm not about to tell him to take them out. The smells they create are wonderful and I never use them, so I really don't care.

"That was the doctor's office. Dr. Pine is going to come by today at 10 to make up our appointment."

"That's a relief. I really didn't want to go back to the hospital."

We eat breakfast, get dressed, straighten the house before the doctor arrives.

It's just a minute or two before ten when we see a sleek black car drive up to the house. Dr. Pine must be from the Capitol or a career district, no one around here would have a car like that. He's an older man, maybe in his fifties, tall and thin. His height and lankiness are made even more apparent when the short chubby nurse from yesterday gets out of the passenger side of the vehicle. Not that there are many of us left, but it is glaringly obvious these two are not from around here.

Peeta and I answer the door before they have a chance to knock. "Thank you so much for coming. I know you don't really make house calls anymore, so we really appreciate you taking the time to come out here today."

Dr. Pine has a wide smile and says, "Anything for the Mockingjay and Peeta; the pleasure is all mine." He shakes Peeta's hand and then mine. We show them into the living room.

I clear my throat and look around, "I wasn't sure the best place to do this, but you're more than welcome to get set up wherever you'd like."

The doctor looks around and sees the chaise lounge in the office by the window. "That would be perfect, we can set up there." He and the nurse busy themselves setting everything up while Peeta and I watch with curiosity.

The nurse, who I have now found out is actually named Minerva, but prefers to be called Mini, comes over to me and let's me know that they are ready. She has a pretty face with sweet hazel eyes and curly blonde hair. She has the gentle disposition for this profession. "Okay, Mrs. Mellark, if you could please disrobe below the waist and put on this blanket."  
I take the blanket from her hand, thankful I wore one of my few dresses today. I sit down and place the blanket over me and proceed to remove my shoes and underwear. I lay back on the chaise and prop my knees up. I feel exposed and slightly embarrassed. I look over at the doctor and see that he has an odd instrument in his hand. It's some kind of long white tube with a rounded end and it's attached to a small machine, and I'm quite nervous about what exactly it does.

The doctor puts some kind of gel on the tube and informs me that this will not hurt, but that it might feel a little awkward. Peeta grimaces and grips my hand. "Are you sure that I should be in here for this?"

The doctor chuckles, "Mr. Mellark, if we do in fact find a baby in there today, this is nothing you haven't seen before."

I look over at the doctor and state, "If you are about to do what I think you are going to do with that tube, then I'm pretty sure we are past you calling us Mr. and Mrs. Mellark."

The doctor nods, "You're absolutely correct, Katniss. Are you ready?"

I nod as I watch him flip over the blanket. I feel him insert the instrument, and that's when I hear the front door slam and the clumsy footsteps coming down the hall. I can't even send out a warning when all of the sudden we all look up and see Haymitch standing at the door of the office with a horrified look on his face. "What the fuck is going on here?!"

Peeta lets go of my hand, makes a direct beeline to Haymitch, and without a word, punches him square in the nose.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting! I hope you like it! Let me know what you think. :)**

Chapter 6

I wish I could say I was surprised Peeta punched Haymitch. I would also love if that was the first time Haymitch saw me in a compromising position or naked. But, this has almost become a commonplace problem between the Mellark and Abernathy households. You'd think either party would learn to lock their doors, but Peeta and Haymitch have decided that the best resolution to this is if Haymitch sees me naked, he gets punched. Well, Peeta decided that, really. I don't think Haymitch is actually too pleased with this arrangement.

It all started one afternoon a few years ago. Peeta and I had agreed to do an interview, and that meant that my prep team would come and pluck, wax, and scour my entire body clean of hair. Some time before, Peeta had made a comment that he actually liked it when the prep team rid me of my unnecessary hair. It was the day after the interview and I previously had not had a chance to show him what they had done to me. I decided to surprise him when he came home from the bakery that evening. I was very proud of myself, I had even put on a little makeup that Octavia had left for me. I stood at the base of our staircase in nothing but a short silk robe waiting for him to come home. As soon as I heard the door open, I looked down to untie the sash on the robe and I let the whole thing drop to the floor before looking up, to see a very surprised Haymitch standing at the door.

I stood there like a deer that realized there was an arrow pointed at it. He looked me up and down, got a huge grin on his face and told me, "I'm flattered sweetheart, but you aren't really my type."

Seconds later, while Haymitch was still standing in the doorway, and I was still shocked and mortified, Peeta walked through the door. He saw Haymitch staring at his very nude, very hairless wife, and just hit him right in the jaw. It was his gut reaction and he was very proud of himself for knocking him out. I didn't think it was that great of an accomplishment, Haymitch was still drinking heavily at that point.

Haymitch is also the reason for our very strict, "we only have sex in the bedroom," policy. After the first incident, we started locking our doors, but it didn't really matter. Haymitch was always able to get a key, somehow.

It was one night before the trains made their delivery and Haymitch was out of white liquor. He walked right into our kitchen, where Peeta and I just happened to be having sex. We had been particularly adventurous that night. We were both in one of the kitchen chairs, but I was facing away from him. Haymitch saw everything of mine, and I have no idea for how long he saw it. He had gone through our liquor cabinet and was on his way out the door. We probably would have never even known he was there if he hadn't made a smartass comment to us.

He started laughing loudly, and said, "Good job sweetheart, I always figured you'd make him keep it pretty vanilla in the sack."

Peeta and I stop immediately. I scream and cover myself the best I can. Peeta again, does not say a word. He lifts me off of him and walks directly over to Haymitch, not even bothering to cover himself. He punched Haymitch in the crotch that day. While Haymitch was on the floor, writhing in pain, Peeta leaned down over him and said, "You are to be out of my fucking house by the time I come back downstairs." Peeta held his hand to me to take me to the bedroom. He may have killed him that day if he didn't want to deal with the mess and he hadn't wanted to finish upstairs so badly.

I look over at Mini and Dr. Pine with their mouths agape. I smile and look at Peeta flexing his fingers and clenching and unclenching his fist. "I think I hit him too hard this time."

Dr. Pine looks at Mini and nods in Haymitch's direction. She scurries over to the poor fool and helps him get up and go to the kitchen to take care of his nose.

Peeta walks back over to me, takes my hand, and looks over expectantly at Dr. Pine. "Did I miss anything?"

Dr. Pine smiles and shakes his head, "No, Peeta. But I'm glad you're back now."

Then the room fills with a fast, loud, thumping sound. My eyes widen, "Is my heart beating that fast?"

The doctor looks at me, "Your's isn't, but your baby's is." He pulls a sheet of paper that has printed from the other part of the machine. "This new ultrasound and scanner from the Capitol is an amazing device. It can tell me everything this early on, like..."

He continues on explaining all of the things this machine can do, but I don't hear any of it. I'm overwhelmed by the sound of our child's heartbeat. Peeta is gripping my hand tightly. I know he's blocked the doctor out, too. I look up and him and see his face. His eyes are glassy but he's doing better than I am about not crying. I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks. I'm tired of all of the crying, I'm not used to being this emotional. I hate feeling fragile.

Peeta breaks the tension. "I'm sorry Dr. Pine, but I missed some of the things you were telling us about the ultrasound."

"That's okay, what I was telling you is that I can get so much more information than I used to be able to. You're only seven weeks along, but I can tell you everything. I already know the sex, the viability of the fetus, I can even tell you what color the baby's eyes will be. It's extraordinary."

There is a sinking feeling in my stomach, "the viability?"

"Oh yes, I can tell you the likelihood of you carrying this child full term. You see, if it were a low percentage rate, I could recommend terminating the pregnancy and us just starting over."

I'm suddenly chilled by the realization of how clinical this process is to him. I'm nervous, but I want to know, I can't let things like this go unanswered.

The doctor removes the device, and starts to clean up the area. "Normally, during this time, I allow the parents to decide just how much information they want to receive. There are some that just want to know if the child is healthy, and there are some that want the full report. I'm going to step outside and check on Haymitch. He's probably going to need his nose set."

I watch the doctor leave the room and I go to grab my shoes and underwear. I get dressed and look at Peeta. "Did you hear that? That was our baby." He wraps his arms around me and we squeeze each other tightly.

His voice lowers, "Were you bothered by the comment about terminating the pregnancy? For some reason, it just didn't sit right. It makes sense, why put yourself through all of that if there is no chance of survival, but it just seemed so.."

"Cold." I responded. "It just seemed so cold. It seemed so Capitol. It was just another child to be disposed of."

Peeta nods, "We can't think about that now. I want to know. I want to know everything we can. And, I know you well enough to know that you want to as well."

"You're right, I do."

A few moments later, the doctor walks back into the office. He sits down behind the desk and Peeta and I sit in the two guest chairs across from him. I hate the feeling I get sitting there like this.

I haven't sat on this side of the desk since Snow was here after our first Games. He sat in the chair Dr. Pine is in and told me that he needed to be convinced that I loved Peeta. I start to smile at the fact that we have been married for twelve years and we are finding out about our baby. I almost wish he could see this moment, I would love for it to kill him all over again.

"Well, have you decided what you'd like to know?"

Peeta takes my hand, and nods. "We want to know everything."

I pipe in, coming to this realization, "Everything but what they will look like. I want some surprise." Peeta looks over and smiles at me.

Dr. Pine looks at us with a wide smile, "Well, you are going to have a girl. Things are progressing very well, and as long as you stay on course, you have a 97% chance of taking this pregnancy full term." He slides a small black and white picture across the table. "There's her first picture."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

My heart stops and I find that I can't catch my breath. My hand is shaky as I reach across the desk to pick up the picture. Peeta scoots his chair closer to mine and we both peer at the little printout.

I break out into a cold sweat and embarrassment takes over my face. I can feel my emotions get the better of me and my face starts to flush and my eyes begin to tear. My voice cracks as I blurt out, "I can't see her! I don't know what I'm looking at."

Peeta looks at the doctor with huge eyes, "I don't get it either."

Dr. Pine chuckles, "It's okay, I should have explained." He takes the pen in his hand and leans over the desk to point out the different images on the page. "This is your uterus that we are looking at." Then he points to an odd shaped blob. "And this is your little girl, she's about half an inch long."

I stroke the part of the picture that he says is her. I start giggling. I can't believe myself. This isn't how I normally act. I'm never this emotional, going from crying to giggling. I'm not sure if this is because of hormones or I've been possessed, but I'm not liking either option.

Peeta gets a huge grin on his face and his bright blue eyes are staring into mine. I suddenly hope to myself she has his eyes, they're beautiful. I sweep his hair away from his brow, and give him a soft kiss on the lips, forgetting the doctor is there, forgetting anything else in this world exists. At this moment, it is just Peeta, our baby, and me. Our family, it's the first time I realize our family is together. Peeta has been my family for years, but at this moment it feels complete. It feels so right and I hate myself for not having this feeling years ago. I'm angry that I denied us this opportunity for so long.

Sometimes, he scares me with the what seems like the ability to read my mind. He speaks in a soft whisper, "This was worth the wait."

The doctor clears his throat and stands up. "I have an 11:30 appointment. It was a pleasure meeting you both. I will need to see you in about four weeks, Katniss. Please call Mini at my office and she will schedule the appointment. If possible, I'd like you to come to my office. I have some other tests I would like to run at that point, and I can't bring that equipment with me."

I nod and look at Peeta. "I guess I could go by myself. I don't want you to have go through that again."

Peeta shakes his head, "No, I'd like to go. I'm sure it will be okay. I haven't had an episode in so long, that I'm sure it was just time for another and the hospital was the trigger. I'm going to try."

We all walk out of the room and see Mini and Dr. Pine out the door. We turn back into the house and head towards the kitchen to see a very upset and sore Haymitch sitting at our table.

"What the hell was all that about?" Haymitch asks while adjusting the towel filled with ice on his face.

Peeta looks at me and tilts his head towards the picture then at Haymitch. I let out a deep sigh and hand the paper over to him. I make sure my tone lets him know I really don't want him a part of this day, "Here, see for yourself, old man."

He snatches it from my hand, "What the hell is it? It looks like a lima bean."

I roll my eyes, "I'm pregnant, you idiot. What do you think a doctor was doing here?"

"I didn't really have time to process it, some asshole punched me in the nose." He glares at Peeta who is already starting to laugh.

"You know the rules, you walked in when you weren't supposed to. You had to pay the price. And, I don't understand how you haven't figured out by now, if you'd knock, this wouldn't happen." Peeta says after regaining his composure.

Haymitch grunts in acknowledgement, "Well, good to know you aren't shooting blanks. Congrats, I guess. Now you two will know first hand the special kind of hell that is raising children."

I look at him like he has lost his mind, "You don't know anything about child rearing. And I think we will do just fine. We've survived much worse."

"I practically had to raise two ungrateful teenages and look at me now."

I snatch the picture back from him, "Don't think for a second this kid will call you grandpa."

He looks at me in disgust, "Who the hell said I'd want that?" He sets the towel with ice on the table, "I came over here for a reason, you know. I had just gotten off the phone with Joanna, Annie's had another accident."

My mind immediately goes to the darkest of places. Annie has had several "accidents" over the years. One time it was her trying to drown herself, once she cut herself, once she took too many pills, the list is unfortunately long. She's been in and out of the mental hospital in District 4 too many times to even remember. Dr. Aurelius could not reach her like he could the rest of us. Her pain was too deep and her mind too frail. The loss of Finnick and raising Finn turned out to be too much for her to handle. Joanna agreed to move to Four to be with her and help take care of Finn, but Joanna wasn't too much better. She had her own demons and was never really one for children. We've taken care of Finn off and on through the years. He's a gentle and sweet boy, but cannot stay out of trouble. He tries to do his best, but how well can he do being raised by two people who can barely take care of themselves? With a mother that constantly wishes for death? We've offered to have Finn live with us on several occasions, but he feels guilty leaving his mother and I don't really think she could lose both her husband and only child.

I cross my arms over my chest and Peeta puts his arm around me. I take a deep breath and ask Haymitch, "What was it this time?"

"She tried to jump out a window. Finn caught her in time. She probably would have only broken a few bones, but it was enough to land her back in the loony bin."

Peeta starts getting red in his face, "Haymitch, don't say that about her. This could be the fate of any one of us, and you know it."

Haymitch gets up from the table and starts walking out of the kitchen. "You guys may need to take Finn for a while. It looks like she'll be there for a while and Joanna can't handle him right now. He's gotten in with some bad kids and she can't focus on both Annie and him."

Peeta nods, "He will be here in time to start the new school year. He can help out in the bakery, its about to be our busy time of year . It'll be fine. I'll call Joanna and get him a train ticket."

Haymitch pats Peeta on the shoulder, "You're a good man, Mellark. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a little nurse to call." He takes a long pause and then surprises us both, "And, I really am happy for you two, you're going to make great parents. I always thought you would." He sees the shock on our faces and gets a broad smile on his face, "The little shit can even call me Uncle."

I push Haymitch out the door and shut it behind him. I turn to Peeta, "The thought of Haymitch dating is quite disturbing. I almost feel bad for her."

Peeta shudders, "I'm pretty sure most of my nightmares now consist of Haymitch and Effie after finding out they were apparently, what did he call it, fuck buddies?"

I stick my tongue out, repulsed by the imagery. "Ugh, don't remind me." Then I think a minute, and laugh knowing exactly how to tease Peeta, "Do you think she had the makeup on the whole time? I wonder if she took off the wig." I laugh even louder, and say in my best Effie voice, "Oh, Haymitch, don't stop!"

Peeta walks away from me, "You're disgusting. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I have calls to make."

**A/N: I hope you guys liked a little more sassy Haymitch. I actually toned him down quite a bit, I think he got a little too raunchy in the first draft. But, I like to think that Katniss has lightened up over the years and can now joke more and actually poke fun at Peeta every once in a while. If you have any suggestions or anything you'd like to see, let me know! I'd really love to see more comments. (I'll even dance if that will get me more, I'm shameless). And I really appreciate everyone who has been following this story, commenting, and favoritting (yeah, I like to make up words...) it. My husband is actually going to be working out of town in the next few weeks, so hopefully, that will give me more time to update quicker. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

It only takes two days for the direct train from District 4 to arrive. This is the first time that Finn was traveling by himself to twelve, and we didn't want him to have to make any unnecessary stops, especially if he is now prone to get in trouble. The train is scheduled for an early arrival, so I accompany Peeta to the bakery.

We spoke with Johanna about Annie's condition. This seems to be a particularly bad episode. She has become catatonic, only mumbling something about "the Capitol is making him do it." None of us know what this means, but she is refusing food, not taking her medicine, and basically shutting down. We aren't sure what triggered it, and we aren't sure when she will come around. The doctors are detaining her indefinitely and she didn't even respond when she was notified that Finn would be living with us for a while. We are all worried about her, everything about this time seems different. Johanna is beside herself, she is at a loss for what to do. We told her if she needed us to come, we would be there as soon as we could, but she said that Finn coming to us was the greatest help.

I have always felt bad for Johanna, something I would never tell her to her face. There is nothing she hates more than pity. She and Gale were briefly married a year or two after the revolution. They were too volatile to last. He is on wife number three now, with five or six children between his last two wives. I can't remember. He and I haven't been great at keeping in touch, we made up but the connection was no longer there. Any information I get on him is from Johanna, Hazelle, or Posy, and I usually don't ask for it. She has never really gotten over the divorce or the string of women afterwards. I think she wanted to move to District 4 to get away from him as much as she did to help Annie and Finn. Unfortunately, it wasn't much use. He is on television regularly since he is now the Secretary of Defense, although, I'm not exactly sure what the title entails, but it's apparently very important within the government.

We walk into the bakery already open. Peeta's assistant Ren Treeford was already firing up the ovens for the day. Ren is a transplant from District 13, and just happens to be Delly Cartwright's husband. Peeta gave him a chance as a favor to her and he has proven himself to be natural born baker. He never had the chance to show off his talents in his previous district, but here he has excelled and has been a huge help and trusted business partner. It's Peeta's first day back since we found out we were expecting, and I can tell he's bursting at the seams to tell someone. We haven't called my mother yet, she has just transplanted from four to eleven to help open another hospital for them. Her work schedule has been incredibly hectic, so we are waiting for her next call.

"Hey Ren! Thanks for your help the past couple of days and opening the shop this morning." Peeta grins as he reaches in his pocket, "I've got something to show you. It's the reason I've been out the past couple of days."

Ren turns around, "Hey Peeta, Katniss! It wasn't a problem at all!" He walks over to us while wiping his hands on his apron. "What'cha got?"

Peeta hands him the picture from the doctor. Ren lights up and immediately pulls Peeta and I into a hug. "Congratulations you two! You're going to be great parents. Kids are such a blessing, Delly and I are just enamored with ours. Its a big change and scary as hell, but it's such a blessing."

I blush, "Thank you so much, Ren. We are really happy."

Peeta gets the picture back from Ren and proceeds to tack it up above the register. "I want everyone to see."

I look at the clock and realize Finn's train will here in fifteen minutes. And as off as the Capitol is about most things, their trains are never late. "Peeta we need to go get Finn."

Peeta nods, "Ren, I'll be back in a little while, Finn is coming to stay for a while."

"Alright, I'm going to call Delly. She will want to see him and I know she will want to know about the baby. I won't tell her, I'll let you guys tell her." He chuckles, "Just be prepared for the squealing and hugs."

I laugh, "We've gotten used to it. Her enthusiasm is endearing."

Ren shrugs his shoulders and raises his hands, "What can I do, I'm helpless against it."

I take Peeta's hand as we walk to the station. I'm a little nervous about Finn staying with us. We have a lot on our plate right now with the baby, but we love him and we will be there for him.

Peeta squeezes my hand and brings me out of my daze. "You've been pretty quiet this morning, what's on your mind?"

I sigh, "I'm just worried about Annie. Something just feels really off about this whole thing. I just can't shake the feeling that something has happened. It's different."

"Yeah, I've kind of thought the same thing. We will find out, Finn has never kept anything from us before. Maybe he needs to just get out of there for a while."

We make it to the platform with just a minute to spare. As soon as Peeta checks his watch, the train glides quietly into the station. We watch all of the tanned District Four residents disembark and the red District Twelve inhabitants return from vacation. One of the last passengers is Finn. He is the spitting image of his father. The only difference is he is a little smaller and shorter than Finnick and has his mother's dark hair. Otherwise, he is a duplicate of his father. He is handsome, and I'm sure back home he could have any girl he'd like. I already see a few girls at the train station looking at him.

Peeta cups his hands around his mouth and yells out to him, "Finn, we're over here." I wave my arms to pull his attention our way. He gets a broad smile on his face and runs over to us and drops his bags at our feet. He immediately embraces both of us, and we can feel him shake as he starts sobbing.

"Thank you so much. I needed to leave, I couldn't be around her any longer. It's too hard."

We hug him close. Peeta pulls away first and Finn just grips me tighter, not ready to let go. I let him cry for just a minute, shushing him. "It's okay, you're here now. Let's go home and drop off your stuff. We can head to the bakery after that."

He lets go of me and wipes his face off and nods in agreement. "Okay."

Peeta looks over at me and mouths, "What was that?"

I shake my head, this isn't the Finn we know. He's never been like this when he visits. I don't think I've ever seen him cry before.

While we walk home, we make small talk with him. Peeta asks about school and I ask about what he'd like to do while he's here. He has an interest in going to the woods with me, so I tell him that we can go first thing tomorrow morning. I haven't been in several days and I'm starting to get the itch to be out in nature again. We don't need the game, there are several other hunters now and the butcher shop and Greasy Sae are always well stocked. I just need to go sometimes, just to feel the forest floor under my feet and to collect my thoughts. I decide to take Finn to the lake, I don't think he and I have ever ventured that far into the woods together. And, if he is anything like his father, he will definitely feel more comfortable around water.

We make it to the house and I show him up to his room, which used to be Prim's. It really helped me when he was little and he stayed with us for the first time. It forced me to clean out her room and to deal with all of her old possessions. I donated what I could of her clothes, and she didn't have many personal items. One of the things I did hold on to was the pink ribbon I had tied around her goat Lady's neck. Sometimes she would wear it in her hair. For a long time it smelled like her, but the scent has now faded away. It's something small to keep with me and it helps on the really hard days. Now there is barely anything of her's left and it looks like a room a boy could stay in. We always wanted him to feel like he was comfortable and that this was a safe place for him. Now, it's referred to as Finn's room.

Peeta sets his bags in the room and we go downstairs to the kitchen. I pull the kettle out and turn to Peeta and Finn sitting down at the table. "Would you guys like any tea?"

Finn blushes, "Could we have hot chocolate, I never get it back home."

I smile and get the milk out of the fridge and get a small pot from the cabinet. "Of course you can."

I pour the drink into three mugs and set them down on the table. I take the chair next to Peeta and Finn is across the table from us.

****Finn looks at us, takes a deep breath, "Can you please tell me about my father. Not the good memories, what happened to him after the games?"

**A/N: This chapter was a little slow, but I needed to get some background for the next chapter. There is going to be a drama bomb! Stay tuned and thanks for the continued support! xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

We sit in silence across from each other for several minutes. Peeta and I are both trying to find the best way to break to him that his father and mother were both forced to do things that no child should. Its hard to even admit it in front of him. He is still so young. He still has his innocence and it breaks my heart that we are about to tell him how his father lost his.

This whole situation makes me scared for when we have to eventually have this conversation with our own daughter. The fear is crippling and I feel myself panicking. What would I tell her? What child wouldn't be scared of their mother and father after they were told that we have killed. We did whatever it took to save ourselves, even if it meant the death of young children. Ones even younger than her when we decide the time is right.

Peeta and I look at each other with fear in our eyes. These are the kind of conversations we both avoid having. We know it would eventually come up and we knew Annie would never be the one to tell him. And I'm thankful that Johanna isn't the one to break this to him. She has no filter and there is no need to scare him anymore than necessary.

Finn breaks the silence first, "Look, I'm fifteen now. Dad had already won his first games by my age and you two were only a year older than me when you won yours. I can handle this. I know you both think I'm this naive, innocent kid, but I'm not. I've had to deal with my mom and Johanna for years. I know what you two still go through. You'd be surprised how much being around ex-Victors can change you and make you grow up."

We both sit there in shock. We are taken aback by his candidness and honesty. He's absolutely correct. He's been through so much with his mother and no matter how much we try to hide it, his entire support system is comprised of some of the most dangerous and damaged people in all of Panem. He has been present during a few of Peeta's episodes and he has heard me scream in my sleep from nightmares. He has dealt with Johanna's short temper and his mother's repeated suicide attempts. No matter how hard any of us have tried, we have a young man on our hands and not the little boy that we all hoped he could stay forever.

I look back over at Peeta hoping he can handle this situation better than I can. He is so much better with words than I am.

Peeta sits up straight and puts his hands on the table, intertwining his fingers together. He looks directly at Finn, "You are absolutely correct. We need to stop treating you like a child. You're a young man now and both Katniss and I will answer any questions you have in a grownup manner. What do you want to know first?"

Finn suddenly sits up in his chair, he is surprised by our willingness to help and is obviously not as prepared to have his questions answered. He thinks for a second, deciding exactly what he wants to know first. He takes no prisoners, he goes for the heaviest question first, "Was my dad a prostitute?"

We are again shocked by his directness. Sitting in that chair, becoming fully self-aware and confident, has just aged him five years. Peeta taps the heels of his hands against the table, and just decides to lay it all out. "Yes, but it was not his choice. He was forced to sell himself to the wealthy of the Capitol. This was common practice for Victors. Johanna and your mother both had it happen to them, too, but your father was certainly the most popular and well known to do so. They were threatened and told their families would be killed if they didn't do it. Sometimes, like in Johanna's case, they were killed anyways, even if they did everything they were told."

Finn nods in acknowledgement, "What about you two, did that not happen to you?"

I reply this time, "No, it didn't happen to us. There was never time for them to make us do it between the Victory Tour and the Third Quarter Quell. In that aspect, we were the lucky ones."

Finn puts his chin on his hand and rests his elbow on the table, "So what the boy at school said was true."

I look at him quizzically, "What boy, what did he say?"

"He's just a guy at school. He called me the bastard son of a Capitol whore."

I can feel the fury burn inside of me. My mind goes into attack mode and I honestly feel like this boy should suffer for what he said.

Peeta raises his voice while repeatedly tapping his finger on the table, "That worthless little fuck has no idea what he is talking about! If it weren't for your father, his ass probably would have ended up being reaped for the Games. Your father was a good man. A man that gave his life for all of us at this table and for this country. I will be damned if some little punk is going to get away with saying this."

I take Peeta's hand and try to calm him down. He rarely gets upset like this, but there are certain, understandable things, that will get him worked up. It's almost chilling that he can get that same intensity in his eyes, like the day he was brought to Thirteen from the Capitol.

Peeta puts his other hand over mine and takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have cursed in front of you like that Finn. Please excuse my outburst."

Finn smiles, "It's okay. I kicked his ass for saying it."

We all laugh at this. I look over at Finn, "Okay, it's my turn for a question to you, Finn."

He takes a sip of his drink, not expecting to have the tables turned. He hesitates, "Okay..."

"Why have you been causing so much trouble lately?"

His eyes grow wide, "What did Johanna say? I haven't been causing trouble. I've gotten in a couple of fights, but it was to protect myself and my friend Jil. They make fun of us always being together."

Peeta has a confused look on his face, "You're not supposed to be friends with Jil? Why do they make fun of you?"

"I don't think there is anything wrong with it, we're just friends. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

I tap Peeta's hand so that he understands to not push him. "Okay Finn, you can ask us another question."

He takes a second to mull it over, "You said that my dad was the most popular one. Was it just with women?"

I bite the inside of my cheek, nervous to respond. Peeta takes this question. "No. It wasn't just women. The Capitol was... is a very different kind of place. They don't have the same mindset as we do in the Districts. To them, sex is very open and exploratory. In the Districts, we don't necessarily shun those with different preferences, but we all know the need to bring up our population and sometimes can, unfortunately, look down upon those that seek same sex companionship. But, as far as your father was concerned, it was just part of what he was forced to do, he did not like to be with men. He loved your mother."

I see his demeanor change. He is starting to lose his confidence. I start to get concerned. "Finn, do you have any questions about what we are telling you. Has your mother had a conversation with you about sex?"

He shakes his head, "No, Johanna did." Peeta and I both look at each other and roll our eyes.  
I say, "I'm sure that was quite educational. Is there anything else you want to ask us?"

"No, but I want to tell you something."

I take his hand from across the table. "You can tell us anything Finn, you can trust us."

"I know what set my mom off this time and why she keeps saying "the Capitol is making him do it."

I grip his hand tighter, and Peeta and I both lean forward, letting him know he has our full attention.

"My mom caught Jil and I in my room together. We were," he starts to blush heavily, "making out."

I smile, "Finn, I doubt that's what your mother is so upset about. Kids kiss all the time. Does your mom not like Jil, is she not a nice girl?"

Finn bites his lip and his eyes start to glass over, "Jil is a boy."

**A/N: Okay, let me know what you think. I hope I didn't build it up too much. I just don't feel like this topic is covered much without it being slash (which there is nothing wrong with that, it's just not what I normally read). I was always intrigued by what Finnick had to go through and wanted to go into that a little more. Also, I want Katniss and Peeta to get a crash course in parenting before their little one comes. **

**And, I just want to say another thank you for everyone following this story. I'm almost to 100 followers! Honestly, I never thought that was possible. I know there are a lot of stories on here with way more than that, but you have no idea what it means to me. So, thank you again. xoxo**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I don't even realize my mouth is hanging open until I feel the dryness of my tongue. I am brought out of my daze by Peeta sitting back in his chair. He doesn't speak, but you can see that he is lost in thought while he slowly strokes his beard.

A look of dread washes over Finn's face and he pulls his hand away from mine. "You guys aren't mad at me, are you? Jil told his parents and they shipped him off to 13 for military and reform school." Tears freely fall from his eyes, "Please don't make me go back home. I'm not ready to face my mom and Johanna, yet."

Peeta crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. "We aren't mad. Why don't you go upstairs to unpack so Katniss and I can talk for a minute. We aren't sending you anywhere."

Finn lets out a sigh of relief and excuses himself from the table. We both watch him walk slowly up the stairs and wait for the sound of the bedroom door to close. I feel the sudden urge to busy myself and take the cups off the table and bring them to the sink. I run the water to clean them as Peeta walks over to where I am and leans against the counter. He watches me absentmindedly scrub the same cup over and over while he grabs a towel to dry them.

He tries to pull the cup from my hand, "You've washed it three times already, I think it's clean." I relinquish the mug to him, and blurt out in a panic, "What are we going to do? As if his life wasn't hard enough, now there is this?"

Peeta puts the dry cup in the cabinet. "I don't really think this is that big of a deal. So what, he likes boys. I really don't think this would have had any terrible repercussions if Annie had just understood what happened and not had a flashback about Finnick."

"Don't be so cavalier about even said yourself that people look down on that in the districts. It's not going to make things any easier for poor boy he kissed was sent off to another district. Not everyone is okay with it."

"Are you not okay with it?" He asks in a sharp, condescending manner.

"Of course I am." I finish washing the cups and shove them in his hand. "And I don't really appreciate your tone."

Peeta sighs, "Look, I didn't mean anything by it. It just seemed a little odd to me that you were taking this so hard." He sets everything down on the counter and puts his arms around me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start an argument. We've never really had a reason to talk about it before, I didn't know what you thought. Let me go upstairs and talk with him. I think we just need to make sure he's okay. I really don't think it will be that bad. He's just young."

I nod, "You're right. Are you going back to the bakery today? I can invite Delly, Ren, and the kids over for dinner tonight."

He kisses the top of my head, "No, I think we'll stay here today, we can see them another time."

I go to pull away from him and he gently takes my wrist, "You know, this is a good thing."

I look at him like he has lost his mind, "How can this possibly be a good thing?"

"Can't you see it? First of all, he came to us. He trusted us enough to talk about it. Second, this is a normal thing to go through. This isn't about the games, this isn't about what happened with the rebellion, this isn't about us being damaged, this is what regular families go through. We can handle these regular problems, that puts us ahead of so many other parents. I really believe this just shows we are meant to do this. I hope you feel that way, too. I'm going to go talk to him."

I watch him walk upstairs, and my mind is reeling with everything he just said. Is this what normal families go through? I wish Finn could talk to Annie, I wish I could tell Johanna to be kinder, I wish I had Prim to confide in. How am I going to handle anything like this with our daughter? I can't even come to grips with talking to her about things I know about, let alone things like this. She'll have normal girl problems, things I never allowed myself to feel or worry about. How can I be there for her? Where this gives Peeta comfort, it scares me even more.

Later that evening, after dinner, Finn and I are sitting and watching Peeta and Haymitch play chess. We've already had to break up one fight and I can see the old man getting twitchy wanting to reach for his knife.

"Look kid, I don't know what kind of shit you used to pull when I was drunk, but there is no way you're fucking taking my bishop like that."

Peeta just flashes him and smile as he picks the piece up and dangles it in his face, "This one?"

Finn chuckles while he shoves another bite of the cake Peeta brought for him. "Are they always like this?"

I look over at him while slowly and grudgingly nod. "Unfortunately yes." I turn my attention over to Haymitch and point at him, "And you watch your mouth while he's here."

Haymitch grunts and leans against the table looking at Peeta, "You think she'll still have that same stick up her ass when she pops your kid out?"

Finn puts his fork down, "What?"

I glance at Peeta and he takes my hand and smiles at Finn. We were so caught up with what was going on today we hadn't even told him yet. "Yeah buddy, Katniss is pregnant. We're having a girl."

The fire begins to burn in Finn's eyes. "I can't believe you two. How could you be so selfish?" Peeta and I are taken aback by his sudden outburst. Haymitch clears his throat, "Watch your tone kid. These two people have been kind enough to let you into their home, you might want to watch who you call selfish."

Finn gets up from the table and slams his chair back in place. "What, the old drunk gonna mentor me now? You think now that you are somewhat sober you can look after me the way you did them? Well, I've got news for all of you, I'm messed up, and its because of all of you. My mom, Johanna, and you three. You aren't normal, and you're just bringing another kid into this." His breathing is becoming more rapid and he builds up to his next string of insults, "Peeta, when you have an episode, what is she gonna do? Katniss, when you feel down, are you just going to tune out on her, too? Haymitch, when things get too real, are you going to go back to the bottle? This kid is fucked, and all of you know it!" He runs up the stairs and slams the door behind him. All three of us sit in absolute silence. I'm trying my best not to cry, but the combination of all of my fears being brought up and my uncontrollable hormones taking hold of me, I can't help the tears that run down my face.

I wipe my face and take a deep breath, "He's right. This is a mistake and there is nothing we can do about it now. We've set this little innocent child up for failure." I can't stop crying, "I'm going to bed."

Peeta sees the sadness taking over me and holds tight to my hand, "Katniss, don't go. He doesn't know what he's talking about. It's been a really emotional day for him. Let him think about it and he'll see he was out of line."

I shake my head, "Peeta, no one knows about this more than him. He's right, and you know it." I shake my hand loose and go upstairs to our bedroom. I don't hear what Peeta and Haymitch are saying to each other, I'd rather just block everything they say out. I can feel the emptiness of depression creeping over me and there is nothing I want more than silence and the dark room. I close the door and undress for bed, I don't bother with pajamas and just wear my underwear and the undershirt I had on today.

****A few minutes later, I feel the bed sink as Peeta lays down. His warmth is comforting, but it can't change how cold and lifeless I feel right now. He slides his arm under my head and pulls my body close to his. My back is pressed against his chest and he kisses my head. "Don't listen to him, Katniss. We can do this. It hasn't changed how I feel about this and how happy I am." I sigh, "That's good. I'm glad one of us is still wants this." I immediately regret saying it, I can almost feel his heart breaking. His voice is barely a whisper, "Hey, look at me." I turn to face him, the only thing I can see is the moonlight reflecting off his beautiful eyes. "Are you serious that you don't want this anymore? I can't have you resent this child like my mother did me. Our daughter has to know she is wanted, it's too painful for her to feel like she was a mistake." My first reaction is to shut down, but I try hard to stop myself. "I still want her. I still love her. I'm just scared." I bury my face in his chest, I can't stand to look him in the eyes any longer. He hugs me tightly and doesn't say anything else. I try to let his arms comfort me, but I'm afraid tonight, it just isn't enough. My eyelids are growing heavier, and I'm terrified of the dreams that I know I will have.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Today is a bad day.

********The sun is barely starting rise when I wake up. Peeta is still sleeping soundly as I move out of his grasp. I use my quiet hunter's steps to cross the bedroom and without a sound I walk into the closet and close the door. I slide down to the floor and tuck my knees to my chest. I haven't shut myself in here in several years. I really have been better and working hard to stop myself, no matter how sad I get. Today, I am just not strong enough. Maybe I could have fought it better if I weren't so tired. My nightmares were terrible last night. I woke up kicking and screaming at least twice. Each time Peeta was sweet and gentle and tried his best to calm my nerves. As much as I love him, he can't take the images out of mind. They were painful, vivid dreams of the dead repeating Finn's words to me. Each time their voice becoming louder and more caustic. Their words were burning holes into my body, over each one of the faint scars I still have from the explosion that killed Prim. I touch my skin to feel if it still feels hot, everything was so real. I softly weep, still trying to keep quiet. I see light slowly creep under the door, the sun is rising and I know it's only a matter of time before Peeta is looking for me. I tuck myself into a tighter ball in the farthest corner of the closet. I'm embarrassed that he will see me like this again after so long, but I just can't handle facing the world today.

I hear his heavy footsteps walk towards the bathroom, then down the hall, and finally come back and stop in front of the closet. He opens the door, sliding the hangers and parting our clothes until he spots me in the corner. He kneels down in front of me and wipes my cheek. "You've done so well for so long. Don't let last night be the thing that makes you come back in here."

"I just need today. I'm too tired to fight this. Ever since I've become pregnant, I'm constantly exhausted and I can't close my eyes, I'm too afraid of the nightmares." I wrap my arms around my legs, "Anyway, he only said the things we all know and are too afraid to say ourselves."

Peeta puts his hand on my knee, "I don't believe it. I don't believe it for a second. I think he's confused, I think he's really upset about his mom, and I think it was just a way to get some of his frustration out. I don't think he really feels that way. If he did, why does he always want to come here when given the chance? He survived. And, for as sad as things can be for him sometimes, I think outside of last night's outburst, he's a really great kid."

I just turn my face away from him. I'm not letting him talk me out of this. Not today. The darkness of the closet just feels too good, too safe. I can be alone and not have to face the truth of bringing a child into this world with me as a parent. "It's getting late, you should get to the bakery." I turn my body to face the wall more, letting him know I'm done with this conversation.

He pulls me to face him. "You need to eat. This isn't just about you anymore, Katniss. I'm not going to leave until you eat something. If not for you, then for her."

"I'm not hungry. Please go."

Peeta sighs in frustration. "Fine, I'll go. I'll let you have the morning in here, but when I come home for lunch, I don't care if I have to pick you up and bring you downstairs to the table. You will eat. I have always respected your need to be in here, to escape. But, I'm not going to let you tune out completely anymore. It's too important now. We're not going to make the same mistakes our parents did." With that, he gets up and walks out of the closet. He tells me he loves me as he closes the closet door. I listen to him get ready for the day. Before he leaves I hear him talk to Finn in the hallway. "You are not to go anywhere near her while she is in there. I'm not ready to deal with you yet. You should probably take this time to figure out your apologies." After he's done with Finn, I hear him stomp down the stairs and slam the front door. It jars me, but not enough to change my decision to wallow in my own self pity.

I have no idea how long I'm in here until the door starts to creak open. I think I may

have nodded off few times, but actual sleep still alludes me.

Finn whispers, "Katniss? Are you awake?"

I groan at the sound of his voice, it's been grinding into my head all night, and I can barely stand the thought of even being near him right now. "Please go." They are the only words I can get out without crying.

"Katniss, I want to apologize."

"I don't have anything to say to you. Please go." I'm getting more agitated, but I refuse to hurt another child. I try my best to stay calm and not verbally lash out at him.

"Katniss, please. I need to talk to you. You don't have to say anything, I just need to let you know that what I said last night, I didn't mean it." He sits down next to me and crosses his legs. He plays with a shoelace on one of Peeta's boots. "You know, when I get down, I usually hide in our attic. Well, these houses don't really have attics, they are more of a crawl space above the spare bedroom. But, it's dark, quiet, and nobody really looks there."

At first, I'm slightly jealous that I never thought to hide up there, but then I just keep listening to what he has to say and try to tolerate him being here. I look over at him, and can't stop the small curl of a smile as I see him tie and untie knots with the shoelace in his hand. I turn away as soon as I realize what I'm doing. I refocus my eyes on the corner of the closet where the baseboards meet.

"I'm just mad at my mom and the situation right now. You two are going to be great parents. I wish you were my parents... I always have." He pauses and unites the intricate knot he was working on, "I'm jealous."

My eyes grow large, I was never expecting this. "Your mother loves you so much, she has truly done the best she could. If things could be different for you, if any of us could change things for you, we would." I turn to face him and place my hand on his arm, "In the short time he could, your father loved you so much. If he was here, I know things would have been different."

"But he's not here, that's the problem." Finn places his hand on top of mine, "He's gone and I'll never live up to what he was."

I look him in the eyes, "What do you mean? No one expects you to be like him."

"Because I never could be. I'll never compare to him. When my mom and Johanna talk about him, he is some kind of gorgeous, courageous god. When you and Peeta talk about him, he's a strong war hero that was a savior of this nation." He sighs, "I'll never be any of those things. It's why I asked you guys those questions yesterday. To actually hear that he was damaged, made him more real, you know? It made him more accessible, more like me."

"Finn, we've always tried to tell you about your father in the most positive way, because we wanted to protect you. We never meant for you to feel like we were comparing him to you, that you had to live up to what he did. He was put in those situations, not because he wanted to be, he never set out to be a hero, he did what he had to, to survive. To make sure you survived."

His bright green eyes are bloodshot and filled with tears, "Thank you... for everything. I'm sorry I've been so terrible."

I hold out my arms to him, he instantly falls into me and hugs me tightly. We cry on each other's shoulders. It's cleansing. I feel the pain escaping my body. I hold him closer. His words are muffled against my neck, "I really do mean it, you guys are going to be great parents. Those things I said last night don't matter. You're going to be there for them like you are me. You've both been the most steady thing in my life, and for that I can never thank you enough. I love you guys. Any way I can help, please let me."

I try to speak in between sobs, "I love you, too. Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that." I feel him pull away. He wipes his face. "C'mon let's get you up before Peeta gets home. Let's surprise him."

He stands up and holds his hands out to me. I debate whether or not I should get up, but I actually do feel better. I feel... hopeful. I take his hand and shakily get up. He leaves the room so I can shower and get dressed. I meet up with him at the kitchen table. He pours a glass of water and sets it on the table for me. I take my seat and it's only a few minutes before Peeta comes through the door. He makes his way towards the staircase when Finn yells out to him, "We're in the kitchen."

Peeta heads our way and stops dead in his tracks when he sees me. A large radiant smile sweeps across his face. "You're up!"

I can't help but return his smile. I'm excited. I'm carrying his child.****


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hey everyone, I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Work has been crazy and I worked on this the first night I've had free. For all of your patience, I decided to pretty much dedicate this entire chapter to some Everlark goodness. I hope you guys enjoy and please leave a review, good or bad. **

**I'll try not to let it be so long in between updates next time. :)**

Chapter 12

Peeta and I smile like idiots for what seems like ages. Finn glances back and forth between us several times before breaking the silence, "Well, I have an old ex-drunk to apologize to. I'll see you guys later."

Peeta stops him on his way out the door and takes a couple of wax paper packets out of the brown paper bag he is holding, before pushing it against Finn's chest. "Take this to him, there is enough in there for both of you. You'll need a peace offering." Peeta glances back at me, and smiles, while telling Finn, "Don't hurry back."

Finn takes the bag in his arms and looks over at me, seeing my arched eyebrow and the slight blush in my cheeks. His face goes from confusion to disgust when he realizes why Peeta wants him gone. "Gross, you two. You're both so old." We both chuckle while Peeta lightly pushes Finn out the kitchen by pushing his boot against his rear end.

The door shuts behind him and Peeta looks at me, "We're not that old."

I smile, "We're ancient in teenage boy years."

He walks across the kitchen and sets the food on the table. "You have no idea how relieved I am to see you down here. I have been dreading this all morning. I thought for sure I was going to have to convince you to come down here. I had no idea what I was coming home to. What happened?"

"Finn apologized. He found me in the closet and we talked." I take a deep breath, "He told me that he wished we were his parents. He said that he was jealous, that's why he got angry."

Peeta sits down, taking everything in. "Wow, I wasn't expecting that. I'm a little upset he didn't listen to me when I told him not to go in there, but I'm glad you two talked. Do you feel any better?"

I nod and reach for a sandwich. "Actually, I do a little bit. I mean, I'm still terrified, but it was kind of nice to know that even with everything, he doesn't fear or hate us for what we are. But, it makes me feel even worse about Annie. She tries so hard, and he wishes that someone else was his parent."

Peeta nods while chewing his food, "I think it just has more to do with him not knowing how to feel right now. He's going through a lot, and its the obvious way to take out his frustrations."

I sigh, "God, this conversation just makes us both sound like we've been through years of therapy or something."

Peeta chuckles, "We've had some experience. Speaking of, do you think we should ask Dr. Aurelius to talk to him? I know he's retired, but he still checks in on us once a month, maybe he can talk to Finn for a few minutes."

"Maybe, I don't see why we can't ask. He helped my mom and I so much, it's worth a shot." I sit quietly for a moment and keep eating, completely engrossed in my food. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started eating, and eventually realize I've eaten far more than my share of lunch. I glance up to see Peeta staring at me and smiling.

"I didn't think the appetite thing would happen for a while."

I shrug, still chewing, "I haven't really eaten much lately. This is the first time in a while my stomach has felt normal enough to eat. I just hope it doesn't come back up." After a little while longer, I find I can't eat anymore. I shove the leftovers away from me. Peeta picks at them, mostly because I'm pretty sure that was originally half of his lunch. He chuckles, "Thanks for saving me some."

"No problem." I smile and slightly blush. "So, Finn won't be home for a while, huh?"

"Unless he decides to not listen to me again today, he should be gone for a while and I don't need to be back at the bakery until later." The corners of his mouth curl into a mischievous smile. He stands up and puts his chair back at the table. "Leave this, we'll clean it up later, come with me." He holds out his hand to me, and I take it and follow him upstairs.

We make our way to the bedroom and he closes and locks the door behind us. "Just to be safe." He takes my face in his hands, "I'm so relieved to see you feeling better. I've been worried sick about you." He presses his lips to mine. First gently nipping at my bottom lip, then he becomes more determined and he pushes his tongue into my mouth. He is now kissing me deeper and more desperately. My knees are instantly weak and I bring my arms around his neck for support. He drops his hands to my waist and then slides them down to my ass. He lifts me up and my legs instantly wrap around his waist. He walks us over to the bed and releases my legs from around him and pushes me onto the bed. He stares at me while he hastily kicks off his boots and takes off his belt. I spread my legs before him and he crawls his way up to me on the bed and settles himself between them. He brings his mouth to mine and I feel that same hunger that starts as a spark and instantly engulfs me. The unmistakable feeling in the pit of my stomach that only he can ease. He grinds his pelvis against my center and I let out a moan that I feel more in my throat than actually hear.

He pulls away from me panting and smiles at me the best he can while getting air. I feel his hands at my waist band fumbling to undo the buttons. Before he is able to get the last one I clamp my thighs around his waist and roll him over on his back. I'm barely straddling his stomach for a second before I pull his shirt off of him. I quickly toss it on the floor and go straight to kissing and biting at his neck, then his collarbone, and down his chest. He tosses his head against the pillow when I graze his nipple with my teeth. I softly chuckle, relishing the control I have over his at this point.

I slowly slither down his body and run my nails down the muscles outlining his hips. I grip the waistband of his pants and underwear and drag them down his legs. I take them all the way off as I stand at the foot of the bed. I take a step back and just quietly stand there and look at him for a moment, appreciating the man that is laying before me. His scars are more faded than mine. He's allowed the sun on his skin more than I have. When we go to the lake together, he usually undresses down to his undershorts. In the summer, his skin becomes the most beautiful golden hue and his hair turns lighter. The air is getting cooler now and now his skin is going back to its pale pink color, showing even more of the freckles he's gotten over time. He is more muscular than he was as a young man. Between his lifting at the bakery and helping in construction whenever needed, and his much improved diet from childhood, he has become the picture of health for a 32 year old man. Other than his leg, in my eyes, he's flawless. It makes my heart ache to realize how much I love him and how deeply I am attracted to him.

He pulls himself up and rests on his weight on his elbows. When I finally realize he's talking to me, I have to shake my head to come to. My mouth is dry when I try to speak, "What did you say?"

He smiles, "I said, undress for me."

I swallow hard and nod my head. No matter how many times he's seen me naked, I still blush as he gazes at me. I'm not embarrassed, but I know that I don't have the body I did when I was 17. We no longer rely on my hunting for food and even if we did the game has become extremely plentiful now due to the construction of the new houses in the outer part of our district. They have pushed all of the animals out of the area and into my woods. I can take down a weeks worth of game within the first hour of being there. It's unfortunately made me lazy in the woods. I will hunt for a few minutes and spend the rest of my day quietly in a tree or by the lake. I don't even need to bother with snares anymore.

First, I slide down the pants he has already unbuttoned for me. I feel clumsy and self conscious as I step out of them. I feel like I am slowly unbuttoning the flannel shirt I am wearing, but I'm sure its hurried and unsexy. I let the shapeless shirt fall to the ground to expose my more curved and feminine figure beneath it. I bring my hands around my back to unclasp my bra, and once I have it undone, I cover my breasts with my arm and completely remove it from my shoulders. I stand there topless before him, trying to cover myself. He tilts his head and asks me to lower my arm. I can feel the heat in his gaze and my cheeks instantly flush. I bend slightly and pull my panties down my thigh and let them fall all the way down before I crawl back onto the bed. I make my way up his body, kissing the inside of his good calf and then up his thigh until I settle comfortably in front of him. I'm on my knees between his legs. I look up at his eyes, waiting for any indication of him wanting me to progress. His eyelids are heavy and I can see the lust his eyes hold for me.

I gently kiss the tip of his erection and look him in the eyes as I take him in my mouth. His breath catches before he lets out a deep guttural moan. My mouth works against him hungrily and my hand strokes him each time I raise my head up. His hand finds my hair and gently tugs. I moan as he guides me slow down, the rocking of his hips below me is starting to calm down. He clenches his jaw before speaking, "I'm going to finish if you keep going and I really want to be inside you."

I raise up and smile at him. I move slowly back up his body, letting his manhood slide all the way down my body until I'm perched on top of him. Getting him to this point has been such a turn on that I can feel the heat between my legs and slide down on top of him. We both let out a gasp as he enters me. His fingers dig into my hips as I rock us back and forth. His thumb finds my center and makes faint frantic circles against my clit. I push against him and press my hand against his. I let out a breathy whisper, "Harder."

He takes my command and presses his thumb firmly against me. I can feel him holding back while my body is getting closer and closer to letting go. I fall forward onto my hands against the bed and kiss him as he lifts his hips up and thrusts in and out of me even quicker. It doesn't take much longer before the built up pressure is finally released. I whimper into his mouth as I climax. He finishes seconds later, letting out a deep grunt. I collapse onto his chest and he pulls out as we lay there trying to catch our breath. Our bodies are slick with sweat and I push myself back up to where I am straddling him. I wipe away the hair that is clinging to my face. He scoots his legs up and bends them at the knees so that I can lean against them. His hands rub up and down my body, making me shiver.

He looks up at me and tells me, "You are still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

If there is one thing that can be said for the past 13 weeks, it is that I don't like being pregnant.

I thought I would be able to handle this, that knowing that this was a gift for Peeta would help me get through the fear of being pregnant, but it hasn't. My mind is constantly riddled with the fear of keeping our daughter safe. I'm terrified to sleep, not just because of the dreams, but because it is the time that I cannot feel her move. The very first time I felt the flutter of our little girl, my heart stopped. Reality came crashing down on me when I finally realized there was a living being inside of me, and my mind went into panic mode. From that point on, every second I don't feel her move is spent in immobilizing fear. It feels like her lack of movement means that she is gone and I lost her. She was another little girl that I just couldn't keep safe and that my body betrayed me and rejected her. I stop by the doctor's office constantly while Peeta is at the bakery just so that I can hear her heartbeat. It's the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane.

Before, I was terrified I couldn't love her enough or the right way, but now, I feel like I can barely think because I love her too much and I am terrified of thought she may be taken away. I try my best to keep this from Peeta, which that in and of itself is causing me great stress. I don't keep things from him and I know that he knows something is wrong. I barely go into the woods, too terrified to exert myself too much, and it is starting to make me stir crazy. The winter has exacerbated the situation, the dark days mixed with my sleepless nights and debilitating fear is making all of this too much for me. Most days are spent just laying in bed. I force myself to get up before Peeta gets home, I am trying my best to not let him know how bad things are, it will just make him worry and he does that too much as it is already.

I have also been hiding this from Finn the best that I can, even though, he sneaks over for lunch almost everyday just to check on me or warn me that Peeta is coming home. He knows things haven't been going well for me since he caught me coming from the doctor's office one day during his afternoon deliveries to the new part of the district. I have also sworn the doctor to secrecy. He is not to tell anyone how often I come into the office. Peeta would be very upset if he knew I was going all the time without him. He hasn't had an attack since the first time we went and now he counts down the days between appointments just so he can see her. It's terribly sweet, and it makes all of this even more unbearable.

Last week, we moved Finn out of the bedroom across from ours to turn it into the nursery. Peeta could barely contain his excitement when the shipment of paints that he ordered from the Capitol came in. He has since turned her bedroom into one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It's the meadow in full bloom. Every wildflower you can think of sprinkles the soft green grass. The sky is a blue as vibrant as Peeta's eyes and he even painted the ceiling to look like the midday sky. It is filled with the fluffiest, whitest clouds I have ever seen. He said that even though it was morbid, since the meadow is where his father now lays, he felt it was the closest he could have him in her life. I thought it was wonderful and we both stood in silence and held each other for a long time afterwards.

He keeps me constantly fed with cookies and cheese buns. He says he is ecstatic with every pound I gain, and it means that he is doing his job. All of my clothes are too tight. He ordered maternity clothes for me when he realized most of his shirts had been stretched out only in the stomach area. I avoid wearing them as much as I can, and I will never let him know how much more comfortable they are until I absolutely have to. And no matter how trivial it is, it just feels like another deception. I don't know how much longer this charade can go on.

I haven't left the bed all morning. I have just stared at the wall and the pillow is wet with the tears I didn't even realize I had been crying. I hear the front door open but it's not Peeta's heavy stomping or Finn's graceful quick steps, its the uneven gate of Haymitch. As I realize he's coming up the stairs I throw the blankets over my head and hope that he will just leave me alone.

Suddenly, I feel the jolt of cold air as the blankets are ripped off of me and thrown on the floor. "Sweetheart, what the fuck is going on with you?" He practically yells the words as he glares at me. I wipe my runny nose, and politely tell him to "go to hell" while I snatch the blankets back from him and try to regain some of the warmth I just lost.

He doesn't have any of it and takes the blankets again and throws them in the hallway. "I'm going to ask you again, what the hell is wrong with you? Mini says that you have been at the office once or twice a week for a month now. There something wrong with the kid?"

I sit up, first I'm angry and can feel my heart rate jump, but then the extra jolt must excite her, because I can feel my daughter move for the first time today and I am instantly relieved. "I'm just scared, going to see Dr. Pine calms me down. Please don't tell Peeta."

"Why can't you tell him? Do you know he's been completely out of it lately at the bakery? He burns more than he sells and his memory hasn't been that great. Maybe if you weren't so caught up with your own ridiculous bullshit, you'd realize that. Your kid is fine, Mini says she's healthy, suck it up and deal with your husband. You know, he kind of needs you sometimes, too. He deserves better than this and you know it. He's been pretty much coddling you more than usual, which is already too much, and you can't take two minutes and ask about him? You're even more selfish than I thought. This kid is supposed to be for him, right? Then why the hell are you treating this like some kind of punishment? You're blocking him out, and this has to stop."

I put my arms around my stomach, savoring every movement I can feel from her. "I haven't been sleeping, I'm in a constant state of panic, and I don't want him to worry more than he already is."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You know when you don't sleep, he doesn't either. And you know that lack of sleep is kind of a big deal for him. He's going to have another attack if you don't get this shit under control. He hasn't had a bad one in a long time and you know he is overdue for one. He's a ticking time bomb and you're lucky he hasn't hurt himself at the bakery. Get your shit together, tell him what's going on, and get the fuck out of this bed."

With that he walks out of the room and throws the blankets back at me. The last thing I hear from him before he leaves this house is, "Dammit, I wish I still drank. These kids are going to kill me before alcohol would."

I take a deep breath and decide that it is time to tell him. Today is the day. It's no where near time for lunch yet, so I can't just wait for him to come home. I need to do this before Haymitch's little... pep talk, wears off. I get up and put on one of Peeta's long sleeve flannel shirts, unable to completely button it over my stomach. I was already wearing one of his thermal shirts underneath it, so it shouldn't be too bad. I do put on the jacket he got me that fits over everything, so I have compromised on that. My feel are starting to swell and I cannot get on my hunting boots, so I have to put on the warm shoes that he also had brought in at my mother's request.

I make my way through town, trying my best to avoid eye contact with everyone I see. I just want to focus on talking to Peeta, I don't want anyone to derail me. I'm sure most people already know I'm not overly friendly, and I do have the added benefits of blaming my hormones for any rudeness on my part. It's been the only perk of being pregnant so far. I make it to the bakery just in time to avoid Delly, she had just turned the corner near the bakery before I made a dash for the door.

Peeta stands up from behind the counter just as I walk into the bakery. He sees me and instantly smiles while his whole face lights up. It's so endearing that no matter how long we've been together, he is still excited to see me, no matter how cold I've been lately.

"Katniss! I can't believe you're here! You haven't been here in months. Is everything okay?" He's practically bursting at the seams with the fact that I'm not just holed up in the house.

"Everything is fine, I just need to talk to you." I try my best to smile, while wrapping my arms around myself, just now realizing how cold I am.

"Yeah, come on back to the kitchen and stand by the oven. You look cold." He walks over and puts his arm around me, leading me back like it's been so long since I've been here I may have forgotten where the ovens were. He takes my jacket and grimaces at my shirt choices. "Seriously? Other than the jacket and shoes, do you ever wear anything that fits?" I smile in defiance, forgetting for a moment why I'm here.

"It's more comfortable, and my fashion choices are not why I came here to talk to you." I sigh it's time for the truth, "Actually, the stuff you got me is more comfortable, I just don't like wearing clothes that look like a tent and dealing with all the extra fabric. They depress me."

He smiles and rubs up and down my arms trying to help warm me, "Is that what's been eating at you lately? You could have just told me."

I shake my head, "No, it's so much more than that. I can't sleep anymore because I'm scared when I can't feel her and I can't feel her when I am asleep. I'm constantly worried that I've lost her. I've been going to see Dr. Pine at least twice a week for the past month, just so I can hear her heartbeat so that I might be able to sleep for an hour or two."

His entire demeanor changes from caring and warm to completely heartbroken and he drops his arms. "Katniss, why wouldn't you tell me?"

****I drop my shoulders in defeat. "Because of this. Because of the guilt of breaking your heart. I don't want you to worry any more than you already do and it's been tearing me up inside."

**A/N: Thank you again to everyone for their patience and I hope you like it! Thank you to everyone for your reviews, follows, and favorites. I hope you'll leave a review for this chapter and let me know what you think. **

**I also just wanted to let you know that I will be starting another story soon. I'm going to work on that one several chapters in advance before posting anything on it so that there won't be the big gaps in time like there have for this one. But, for that story I was thinking about seeing if anyone would be interested in being a beta for it. You could PM me if you were interested. **

**I really appreciate everyone that reads this. It has been so much fun writing this story and I have so many other ideas that I really want to get out. **

**xoxo, **

**panem**


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